


Baby, it's always High Noon

by DerBlaueMond



Series: Obviously Canon [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Comedy, F/F, Gay, I am going to hell, Jesus pls forgive me for I have sinned, M/M, Multi, Other, Parody, Porn Without Plot, Threesome, Weird, bizarre, crackfic, gay af, tf is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:17:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7590742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DerBlaueMond/pseuds/DerBlaueMond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's time for their 'weekly meetups' again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This has explicit sexual content in it and is supposed to humour and not be taken seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby, it's always High Noon

**Author's Note:**

> My first Overwatch one shot. 
> 
> This is a PARODY and is NOT to be taken seriously. It was originally a joke for a friend, but I'll upload it anyways. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Overwatch.

McCree slammed Hanzo aggressively against the nearest wall, pinning him there with his own body. 

Jesse dipped his nose into the crook of the Asians neck, inhaling deeply. He loved the smell of Hanzo. He smelled like Sushi and soja sauce. The faint hint of his shampoo lingering in his nose; Head and Shoulders Classic. Hanzo only used that product, occasionally he used Herbal Essence, but McCree didn't really favour that one. 

"Mh, darlin', good heavens, would you  look at the time." McCree mumbled, inhaling the strands of Hanzo hair once again as if he was snorting crack cocaine. The cowboy pulled back, feeling a little lightheaded suddenly, either from all the 'breathing in Hanzo' or inhaling all of his hairspray. He wasn't really sure, but he sure as hell started seeing a lot of black spots in his vision. "It's defiantly High Noon." 

Hanzo's eyes narrowed at the man in front of him. "It's 11:37 to be precise. It is not High Noon." He grunted. 

"Baby, it's always High Noon." The cowboy countered before smashing their lips together so hard that their teeth clashed together like clash of clans. 

McCree forced his tongue inside Hanzo's mouth, mapping it out with the wet organ, once accidentally going too deep and making the latter man gag. Jesse traced his tongue along the mans teeth, before lapping up a peanut that was still in his cavities from the snickers bar he ate earlier. McCree pulled back and swallowed it, smirking. 

Hanzo stared at him, mouth slightly agape, before uttering, "That is disgusting." What he actually meant to say though was; damn girl, you a freak. 

McCree laughed loudly, twice. And then a third time. Before ripping the other mans already half ripped shirt off. 

He cupped his titties. Kneading them. "Darlin' if you'd be a cow I'd be milking these melons all night." 

Hanzo moaned in approval, grinding himself against Jesse, his tiny Japanese hands went down to fumble with Jesse's way to heavy, fake gold, made in China, belt. Opening it with more than one swift movement. 

"Where did you even acquire this ridiculous piece of metal?!" Hanzo asked heatitly, finally throwing the belt aside, letting it hit the wall and destroy an expensive vase, which oddly enough had grey ashes in it. 

McCree eyed the broken 'vase' for a second. "Amazon Prime." He said, before opening Hanzo's pants, which fell to said ones ankles. Hanzo ungracefully attempted to step out of his pants and almost tripped and fell by doing so. 

Jesse placed his hands underneath Hanzo's shiny buttcheeks, hoisting him up over his throbbing member. He immediately penetrated Hanzo's tiny Japanese pooper, without any preparation, lube or warning. They didn't need lube, their love for each other would do just fine. 

Hanzo let out a high pitched screech of pleasure, sounding a bit like a wet harmonica. 

"I love those whale noises you always make, darlin', they always get me all hot and bothered." McCree hummed before thrusting into Hanzo. 

The door crashed open with a loud bang, Hanzo and McCree paused, both of them looking at the door only to see two elderly men stumble in. Soldier 76 and Reaper. 

Both of them were already intertwined in each other, not even regarding the other two men. 

Reyes pushed Morrison onto his front, the claws of Reaper's gloves aggressively digging into the side of his  face, while it was pushed into the ground. 

Reaper yanked Morrison's pants down so that he could reach the Jack-pot. Penetrating him immediately, without any preparation, lube or warning. They didn't need lube, their blood would do just fine. 

Reyes growled and started pummeling into Morrison's arse. His neatly, by Widowmaker sharpened and filed claws, digging painfully into Jack's hips.

Hanzo and McCree had started fucking like rabbits again some time ago, not even fazed in the slightest by the ex-Blackwatch member's appearance. 

Then the door slammed open again, but this time more dramatic and Genji waddled inside. Jesse and Hanzo ignored the cyborg, planning to continue their session, as more whale sounds erupted from Hanzo's throat. 

Genji looked at his brother and the cowboy for a second, before deciding to join in with Reaper and Soldier 76. 

Genji pressed a button at the side of his right hip, his armour opened up and steam emerged. Then a giant 31 inch horse cock fell down in between his legs. It made a wet slapping sound when the tip hit the ground, before bouncing back up and hitting him square in the face. But Genji played it cool and stood there unfazed, if he wouldn't be a cyborg he'd probably have pinkeye now. 

Genji strode over to the two elderly men. His dick was so big and heavy, that even in a fully erect state, it was still dragging on the ground. He stood behind Reaper and in one swift movement, weaseld his massive schlong into Reyes tightass bootyhole. He also did this without any preparation, lube or warning. They didn't need lube, Genji simply didn't give a fuck. 

Reaper growled and fell forwards on top of Soldier 76's back, as Genji started thrusting into him mercilessly, making him thrust into Morrison. 

Genji sped up his thrusts, accelerating his speed to 365 miles per hour and reaching terminal velocity. Soon they'd be breaking the sound barrier. 

On the other side of the room Hanzo's wails had reached such a pitch that they shattered the mirrors and windows in the room. 

"I'm gonna, I'm i- I'm c-cumming, Jesse-chan!" Hanzo moaned, throwing his head back so that it hit the wall behind him, probably giving himself permanent brain damage. 

McCree grunted. "Then come for me, bby." 

Hanzo moaned again, before screaming. "R-r RYUU GA WAGA TEKI WO KURAU!" And releasing, shooting his load right into McCree's Deadeye. 

Even for Jesse McCree, that was too much High Noon to handle and he came right away. If Hanzo was a female he would have been pregnant with triplets right now. 

The others were close too. Reaper was getting his anus torn apart by Genji's monster cock and was on the verge of passing out or suffering a heart attack, if he had a heart, that is. Maybe he was just too old for these kind of activities. 

Behind him Genji began glowing and yelling in Japanese, releasing his load deep inside of the dead man. Reaper groaned in approval. "Death comes." And released inside of Soldier 76. 

Morrison immediately activated his tactical visor. "I got you in my sights." He grunted, filming Reaper's release in HD Quality. He then played it back, by 30 frames per seconds and released himself. He grunted when Reyes collapsed on top of him, panting hard. 

 

\----

Outside of the room, where that whole fiasco took place, sat Widowmaker. She used her hand to brace her chin as she sat at the table, looking through the playboy magazine she found when she was snooping around. She huffed in annoyance. This happened every week. Reyes would go threaten Morrison and they would end up fucking, while she sat outside the room, listening to whale noises. 

Tracer came shooting around the corner and spotted Amelie at the table. 

"A'right there luv! Wattcha doin here, turn on the telly why don't cha, we can celebrate the Queen wiff sum crumpets and tea, I'll get the kettle!" She yelled and threw the television remote at Widowmaker's head, which bounced off of her and hit Tracer instead. 

Widowmaker didn't understand a word of what the Brit was chanting and pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. "If you are wondering why I am here, Reyes is having his weekly meetup with Morrison." She said. 

Tracer jumped onto the table, almost knocking it over. "Oh yeh! I forgot bout their weekly orgies!" Then she eyed Amelie. "Fancy to let me fiddle ye bum?" 

Widow shrugged. "Sure, why not." 

 

\-----

 

Two months later every male member of Overwatch, including Reaper, had multiple forms of STD's, including mutated and not yet discovered versions of Herpes, the Zika Virus and AIDS. The only ones who were clean were the females, McCree and Hanzo. The reason being that Genji wasn't very into girls, McCree was loyal and fucking his brother was lowkey incest and Genji wasn't into that, even though many people had told him that Incest was apparently wincest. 

The end

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) The Holy Water is to your left if you need it.


End file.
